Depression – body and mind

Is it really possible for social factors to affect the biology of the body and trigger a physiological change to cause clinical depression?

All of today I’ve been down for no apparent reason – well there is the chronic exam pressure and worries I have, but today should have been like any other day…

I’ve been getting more and more frequent low bouts and suspected that I had crossed the thin line between just a depressive mood and a clinical disorder – if that is indeed what happens. Yet when I looked up the official ’symptoms’, I definitely don’t tick all the boxes. Perhaps its RBD – Recurrent Brief Depression…

My mood is incredibly volatile on an hour-by-hour basis, any small thing can swing my mood wildly. A careless word can send me into melancholic silence, but a smile could get me overly buoyant and optimistic. I feel very unstable, sometimes contemplating death, and at other times like the luckiest person alive. With this in mind, I try to surround myself with positivity, making the effort to talk and remain in a lively atmosphere. I know I’m not bipolar, I think I’m on the edge – moving closer to depression but desperately trying to keep away.

I try to remain as rational as possible, and am hoping that this is just a phase that will ease with time. If after going to university in the autumn, the situation still does not improve (a complete change of scene should do me a world of good) I’ll seek help. At the moment I don’t want to make a big deal of what is potentially nothing. Plus, I don’t want anti-depressants in case it messes me up more.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

~ by mistyshadow on May 4, 2008.