My heart is calling, can you hear me?
It’s been torture, 5 days of crying myself to sleep, 5 days of worrying, my mind wanders – what is he doing, who is he with…but most importantly – does he miss me?
I know I miss him, I miss him, I miss him…
Everything reminds me of him – I’m going crazy, it’s at times like this that I once again doubt my own sanity. I naturally pessimistic, but around him I seemed to lighten up and see the world once again in colour. Now that he’s 11000km away, that effect seems to be waning. My friend who I haven’t seen while I’ve been away at uni said she’s definitely noticed a change in me since I got back – I’m in a better mood, I’m more confident, I’m more light-hearted.
Guess what honey, I think I may be in love.
But for him to be so far away is so, so hard on me. I wander if he realises what I’m going through. He’s so calm all the time, he can’t be missing me nearly as much as I miss him. He hasn’t been online for days, no doubt going to all the welcome parties and heading out, my insecurities eat me when I think of this. As much as I love him, I still don’t trust him not to flirt or lead on other girls… Like I said in an earlier post, the thought of a girlfriend at home is far far away right now. It’s only been 5 days, theres still another over 90 to go, it scares me how I can’t imagine reaching the finish line hand-in-hand together, my sleep has been ridden wth nightmares and my days have been ridden with tears. Pathetic I know, but this is punishment enough for my weakness, please, how much more can I take…
I never knew that when the heart aches, there really is physical pain, enough to make me punch the pillow and curl up wishing it all away. I wander if he can feel the pain, my heart is calling, can he hear me?
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