Ambition vs. Pessimism – the constant uphill struggle
The time has finally come when I have to start thinking about building the foundations of a career for myself. I have now spent many hours combing through the results of a million and one employment search engines (thank you Google) and toiling through site after site of potential employers, all offering what seems to be the best job in the world.
I used to be a very ambitious teen, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve in my professional life. Now when I look back, my mind was a hazy mess, a juvenile daydream of being the career woman in the sharp business suit, looking incredibly busy and in-demand as she navigates through the maze of the London Underground, yet the keystone – what my job title actually would be, I never knew. Now, it seems once again I have rediscovered that hunger and energy to strive for the top. Aim for the city, the Holborn, the Chancery lane, the Mayfair….yes, why not? So I hit the books, and quickly hone in on Management Consultancy, reading the job description, I realise excitedly that never have I been so close to answering the question ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’
My eyes fatigue with staring at the computer all day as I gather information about the key players in the industry, their strengths and roles in this elite professional services sector, but most importantly, how to get my feet through their door. My conclusion? By overcoming a vast amount of competition. Overwhelmingly, the way into the corporation is through a penultimate year internship, and the competition for places are fierce. My education has set me in good stead for an application, but I’ve always been more at ease fulfilling the familiar and straightforward demands of academia. Interviews/networking/applications/cover letters/assessment centres/presentations, even the through of manipulating CV’s make my chest tighten with dread. I seem never to have been able to impress with these dynamic (and more useful) skills a potential employer would value. I can read through all the career/job hunt prep books I have time for, but will it be nearly enough to beat off the never-ending avalanche of excellent candidates recruiters are swamped with…should I even bother?
There are the woes of a natural pessimist. The goal in my mind is set…the challenge is formidable and one that I am statistically unlikely to succeed in… All the prep I am doing now is likely to be only the basics that other candidates do automatically, perhaps I should lower my standards. But why? I know that this is what I want and I should work towards it, the fear of failure is intense, but so will the regret at wasting a potential opportunity, no matter how small the chances of success are. The lure of the city and a professional career is undeniably tempting, but like all good things in life, I have to work for it, to admit defeat even before I start is not an option, companies these days go on about how they like people to be pro-active… I guess this is one instance in life when good things do not come to those who wait!
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